And so it begins. . .

Join me on an adventure. It's not a very exciting, dangerous or sexy adventure. It's not an adventure that is going to change the world. In fact, this adventure is not going to include dwarves, elves, self-help gurus, ballet dancers or much of the world at all. Many would not even consider it a classic "adventure".

However, if you're smart, you make the little journeys into a fucking adventure, so you can suck every bit of happiness from them. You make your own excitement, so you stay passionate and engaged.

So. . . MY adventure is going to be losing 10 pounds before my brother Brad's wedding. I lost five pounds this fall, three of which I kind of gained back over the Christmas and New Year's. I lost two of them again this week. They were pretty easy to lose again, because I think they were mostly water retention due to salty food and my period. I drank a lot of tea and tried not to pig out, and they're gone again. I have lost and gained those five pounds about fifty times in the last three years.

I now weigh about 130 if I am buck naked, it is morning, and have emptied myself of all wastes. If I weigh myself at any other time, I am likely to assume that my clothes, undigested food, urine and poop weigh about twenty pounds (which they do not) and I also happily assume I have reached my weight loss goal and go have a hot fudge sundae. (Actually, I can't remember the last time I had a hot fudge sudae. . . doesn't that sound good?) Sometimes I miss my window for accurately weighing myself, so I have done some complicated calculations about how much a nightgown and a cup of cocoa actually weigh, but is not usually an accurate or productive process (My nightgowns weigh about a pound each, though, if you're curious. I've checked.).

I really need to lose these ten pounds, and keep them off, however, because I am turning forty this month. I don't really mind getting older -- I don't have a choice, after all, and it's only fair. Everyone else is getting older, too. And as long as I keep all my marbles I will be able to keep myself happily entertained into my old age (I actually have jobs all picked out for me and my sister at the town library. "Have you read this book, dear? It's lovely. Lots of vampires and raunchy sex scenes. Let me check it out for you."), however, I really want to be old and lean, not old and pudgy. I'm going for kind of tough and stringy, like beef jerky, but with good hair and teeth.

My goal -- to weigh 120 pounds by February 11, 2011, Brad and Whitney's rehearsal dinner. My sister thought that this blog might help me accomplish this. Actually, I think she just thought that she would get a lot of laughs at my expense. She already weighs 120 pounds, which is annoying, because we are the same height and general build (by which I mean we have no breasts) and she's been pregnant more recently than me.

I am going to post this and send it out to those I know will "get" it -- basically my sister, my cousins and my best friends. I will share some of the psychotic humiliation that inevitably goes along with such an endeavor to motivate myself and for kicks and giggles.

On a more practical note, I don't know what I'm going to have for dinner, but I'll let you know how it went tomorrow.