Hungry for a New Post?

I'm just plain starving, myself. I'm home from a Charter Review Committee Meeting, and it ROCKED! Just kidding. It was as dull as it sounds. Town committee meetings, even the best of them, which this was, don't rock. If you believed me, even for an instant, you need to dance for three hours and then get laid.

Speaking of which, I can't wait for my brother's wedding. I plan on dancing for three hours, and then getting laid. Don't get in line, I've already picked my prince consort/vasectomied Guido. There is nothing sexier than an Italian man with a vasectomy. Seriously.

Anyway, I digress. I am starving, so I'm drinking "Blueberry Slim Life" tea. Those organic tea manufacturers are making a mint off of me. I purchased it because the "Slim" just called to me. The subtitle also says, "Energizes and Helps Suppress Appetite." I just had three glasses, so I might be up all night -- it's green tea. Of course very little has kept me up in the past. I am renowned for falling asleep on public buses and trains. I once did a huge closing in Connecticut with one of the firm's biggest clients. The client drove me back to Boston (no, I did not offer to drive, but that's another post), and I conked out right in the front seat. I think she was impressed by the way I lose my chin and begin to drool when I fall asleep sitting up. It's one of MY HUSBAND'S favorite mental pictures of me.

I am also sure to fall asleep because Candy, our instructor at the YMCA tried to kill me again today. I am literally having trouble lifting my arms up enough to type right now, no kidding. I don't know if any of you noticed, but it was as cold as a witch's tit this morning. There is nothing worse than putting boots/hats/mittens on two dopey little kids when you are trying to rush out the door. Of course, we were late. I think Mdme. L ensures that we are late in the hope that we will miss some of the class, actually, which I concur is an excellent plan.

Did not help today, however. It also had an unfortunate side effect. After we hauled the kids up the stairs to the Kid Watch Room, taking all their coats/hats/mittens with us so they don't get lost/stolen/contract lice, we went into the gym. Not only were 20 women and one round guy facing the gym door in rows, squatting, (which was a little scary) but the only spots left were front and center. We had to grab mats/weights/steps/risers for steps and hustle into the front row. Then Candy immediately made us spend about ten hours in plank position, simultaneously running our legs up and down. I could barely move, and Mdme. L wasn't any great shakes either, no matter what she tells you. For some reason I felt like a big, boiled noodle today.

[FN: Personally, if I were a noodle, I think I would be penne rigate. With just enough meat sauce, still pretty firm and round. MY MOTHER would be an egg noodle with pork sauce. Nice and tender, flat and narrow, classy. Gramma B would obviously be that really fine spaghetti with tuna sauce - straightforward and perfect. Mdme. L would be ditalini, because you never get tired of it. MY FATHER would be lasagna, because it's so filling (and terrible for you). MY HUSBAND would be ravioli (homemade -- I would never have married canned ravs).]

For some reason, everyone in the class today seemed to be much more in shape than me and Mdme. L, even the 80 year old woman in the back and the mentally disabled woman in the front. The round guy was having a tough time, but he still seemed to be outperforming us. For the first time, I really felt judged, up there in the front. After a while, though, they all started to lag, as well. I thought to myself, "Not so (wheeze) perfect (wheeze) now, (wheeze) are you, (wheeze) bitch (wheeze) es?" Then I took a break.

Meanwhile, Candy perservered. She had a terrible cold, and was probably up all night with her four kids, but she didn't miss a beat. She did everything faster than the music and added in extra jumps and stuff. I also noticed when we picked our kids up from Kid Watch that Candy had managed to brush her little girl's hair into a semblance of order, something I cannot say about myself. Would make a normal woman feel inferior, I tell you.

So, of course, we are going back tomorrow, because at present I cannot wear anything to this wedding that I would actually want to wear to this wedding. Never fear, though, loyal readers, I shall persevere! I am going to have some more tea and go find my Ravioli! Goodnight!

We are going