Don't be alarmed when I make a fist.

As expected, back to 131.5 this morning. And, also as expected, today was a rough day. I predict 131.5 or even 132 for tomorrow morning.

Breakfast: A banana and tea. (Yippee!)

Workout: At the YMCA with Mdme. La for an hour. (Yippee!)

Lunch: Two hard boiled eggs on wheat bread. (Bread is bad, but if that is the only carb for the day, cautious optimism.)

Dinner: Two pieces of Mdme. Li's homemade pizza. (Not good, but may still lose weight, due to workout.)

The Breakdown: Finish Stina's pretty much untouched chocolate cake. (Very bad, but very delicious.)

I stayed away from all of the candy and cookies at my son's birthday party. I stayed away from the Smartfood that my wicked sister-in-law brought over in an attempt to sabotage me. (Actually, I did have a couple of handfuls. She is an evil temptress.) I gave away almost all of the leftovers. The abandoned cake defeated me.

However, there is hope on the horizon. Parade Magazine (a sorry, sorry rag) reports that "To help you pass up that second piece of chocolate cake, you should make a fist. For an instant hit of willpower, clench your fist.. . . the Journal of Consumer Research found that tightening your muscles. . . . can help shore up your self-control." I have a couple of thoughts about this. First of all, who needs help resisting a SECOND piece of cake? I love chocolate cake, and even I, the girl who once ate nine lemon delights in a twenty-four hour period, am happy after a whole piece of cake.

[Footnote: I think I ate so many lemon delights because I was overwhelmed by the idea that I could. In my experience, everyone usually got one or two lemon delights and then they were gone or I was cut off. During and directly after my aunt's wedding shower no one was paying any attention to me, and my grandmother had made a sea of lemon delights. No one even knew I ate so many. Bliss. If you haven't had a lemon delight, I'm very sorry for you. Do not attempt to make up for this lack with an inferior copy, however. If they're not just right, they are terrible. Perhaps you should just reconcile yourself to the idea that you were not meant to experience this particular Nirvana, actually, because I am not going to make any for you, and if anyone I know is making them, I am probably unwilling to share them with you. Get a puppy or something.]

My second problem with the Parade nonsense is that I don't think clenching a fist for no apparent reason is a good policy. My children and husband, for instance, might start flinching if I made a fist every time I wanted to eat something. Also, like any weapon, once you make a fist, you are kind of hoping to use it. I really don't want to start beating my family just because I'm trying to lose ten pounds. It would be like drinking whiskey to quit smoking, or tearing out your bathtub because you didn't want to clean it. If I am going to start beating my family, I have to have a reason I can stand behind.

However, if tightening muscles does shore up your self-control, doesn't it make sense to tighten up a larger muscle group? I think I am going to start clenching my ass every time I want to eat something. There are a lot of advantages to this. First off, if anyone brushes up against my ass, they will think it is very firm, because they will not know that I am actually clenching it all the time. Secondly, reminding myself of my ass may be enough to shore up my self-control, especially if I start chanting a mantra like, "Junk in the trunk, junk in the trunk" or "You are ass-tastic, you are ass-tastic."

My tight ass is a problem for tomorrow, however. Tonight, I'd better brush my teeth so I don't have a second piece of cake.