Jersey Shore, Here I Come!

No, I am not so lean and sexy that I belong on the beach, I just got a spray tan for the first time today. I haven't washed the "bronzer" off yet, so I look like Snookie from Jersey Shore. I'm hoping once I wash it off, I'll look like me again, only a couple of degrees darker.

If the idea of me getting spray tanned doesn't immediately make you giggle, let me explain. First of all, it wasn't my idea. I don't have ideas about "beauty treatments." Every new haircut, hair color, massage, pedicure, manicure, facial, make-up, etc. that I've tried in my life has been someone else's idea. In fact, almost all of them have been the brainchild of a certain person. Let's call this person my "Partner in Crime," or "PIC." They have requested that I keep their identity confidential. [FN They tried to get me not to write about the spray tanning at all, but that wasn't going to happen. Also, hopefully we'll be tan, so that's kind of a giveaway right there. When you haven't left Massachusetts for months, and there's three feet of snow outside, people notice if you're tan.]

I'd also like to point out that I don't usually have many ideas at all. I'm not very creative. What little inspiration I have I save for, (1) New foods I'd like to make. I'd really like to try baking empanadas and cakey cookies right now. (2) Music I'd like to play with my music buddies. I never actually get to play with them, but I think about it a lot. (3) Books I'd like to write if I wasn't so lazy. I have some intricate plots in my head that will never see the light of day, most of which heavily feature magic, romance and happy endings. No real literature allowed! (4) Silly things to put on my blog to make my family laugh. All of my ideas are more like useless distractions. PIC is much more creative, and one of the ways that she uses her surfeit of creativity is to try and improve my life (or to "fix me," depending on the mood she is in).

As usually happens when PIC has a brainchild, PIC called me and said that we were going to be too pale for the wedding, and should try spray tanning, to which I replied, "O.K." PIC then said that we should give it a test run a couple of weeks before the wedding, to which I replied, "O.K." Today PIC called and made the appointment, arranged the babysitting, and picked me up to go to the spray tanning place. When she called and told me, I said, "O.K." She then made me go first, in case the whole thing was a big mistake.

Which it may have been. The experience itself was painless, if chilly. I'm glad we just went for the waist up option, as it was bad enough to just have our shoulders, arms and faces sprayed with cold mist and air (we used strapless bras to preserve our modesty, though that didn't work out very well for me. As I said, it was cold.) Right after she sprayed us, we definitely looked better.

I'm curious to see what color I'm going to end up, however, because my son asked me, "Why is your head orange?" Of course, if I were black like he is, I wouldn't need to worry about this shit, so that was kind of a kick in the pants. I sometimes wonder if he is going to call his memoirs, "My Foolish White Parents and How I Overcame Them." However, my daughter also wanted to know, "What did you do to yourself?" when she got home from school, so maybe my son wasn't just rubbing in how beautiful his skin is all year.

Of course, we were told not to wash our hands for three hours, which I screwed up very quickly. My daughter pooped on the floor, and I'm sorry, but you have to wash your hands after you wash poop off of your daughter, toilet and floor. Oh, and the cracks on the floor. Don't forget them! I somehow doubt that Angelina Jolie has to deal with this when she gets spray tanned.

So, maybe this time PIC's brainchild will work out, maybe it won't. She has already washed off all of her bronzer (coward), so I'll let you know how "Snookie" I end up.

P.S. This morning I still weighed 127. Hopefully I'll be lighter (and tanner) tomorrow!